This can be especially helpful if you're going through tough times, and don't want to add to the heaviness in your lives by bringing up petty things, or venting about unimportant things. "If you and your partner are drifting apart, ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away will not only make the situation worse," Rappaport says, and at some point down the road, things may blow up into an argument, which could also increase your problems and speed up the end of your relationship. Embrace your playful side by dressing up in silly clothing or coming downstairs with a crazy hair style. You kiss your partner goodbye every day on the way to work. Couples often lose the "spark" in their relationship when they take one another for granted, and when... Stay Separate to Stay Together. It happens slowly, subtly, and silently. Distance left unaddressed is a leading cause of separation. You don’t have to hire a babysitter or plan a vacation. Or make dinner together. Of the eight predictors, emotional distancing is the hardest to recognize. With that in mind, here are a few things you and your partner can do, as well as a few things you should avoid, in order to improve your relationship. Let your partner know you'd like to reconnect and put more effort into creating a better relationship. "Human beings are wired to connect and touch is a big part of that," she says. If you have a huge fight with your partner, it'd be strange for both of you not to notice. Similarly, you need to nourish your relationship before you feel that it's been drained. To fix it, "commit to carving out at least 15 minutes a day to really communicate and connect with your partner," therapist Hilary Cobb, LCSW, tells Bustle. Demonstrate a capacity to be self-critical. "Pull out the photos or the falling-in-love texts and spend some time with them," relationship expert Patty Newbold, tells Bustle. How often do you and your partner touch, outside of having sex? And that's totally OK. But I can teach them how to nourish the love that they already have. Switch gears for a second or two. If so, discuss what you're willing to do to make things feel better. By simply making an effort to touch again (because you likely did this a lot in the beginning of your relationship) you're pretty much guaranteed to feel closer. Once the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over, you might have to put in a bit more effort to keep that spark alive. "It takes time to reverse drift," Newbold says. Become A Functional Nutrition Coach! Someday, if all goes according to plan, you'll be sitting next to your partner, smiling about the life you have built together. But during the process, you'll also want to avoid certain bad habits. Jealousy. What Do You Do if There's Tension Between You & Your Boyfriend? Right now, one of your main focuses should be repairing your relationship â not necessarily going out with friends, or giving attention to somebody else. But if you're both intentionally being more affectionate, it can make a big difference. // Leaf Group Lifestyle. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record. It's normal to get complacent in a long-term relationship and stop making an effort to stay healthy and look good, perhaps by indulging in junk food, drinking too much alcohol or giving up an exercise regimen. While you won't want to have a super serious, heavy conversation every single day, you should find time to reconnect and chat about how you've both been feeling. These tiny energy expenditures will invigorate your relationship exponentially. All of these things, even though they seem so simple, will make a big difference in bringing you closer together. 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Or whatever else your partner might like. For example, if you have grown apart because of infidelity or mental health issues, professional advice may help you deal with any unresolved issues and practice the skills you need to create a close bond. You're rushing out to meet friends for dinner, giving instructions to the babysitter, and your partner tells you how nice you look. It happens slowly, subtly, and silently. Many of these predictors are symptoms you would expect, like poor conflict management and a high degree of negativity. Discussing work, friends and whose turn it is to take the trash out doesn't count. Don't immediately assume the worst. With some outside support, you may be able to better navigate your feelings, and decide on the best course of action. Even when there is no cheating, no screaming, no irreconcilable differences, relationships can end. "It's an easy way to start prioritizing the relationship again.". This is what couples do in order to maintain their connection, especially if their lives are getting busy, or they've noticed a disconnect. You've given up on having those 'hard' talks. You try to prioritize exercise and meditation, but self-care is often the first thing to go when the chaos rises. After all, "it may not work with only one of you at the helm," Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert for Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. Here's what you need to know to bridge distance: You won't always be so busy. And it can leave you wondering if you're headed for a breakup. If you live together and you're both in the habit of rushing out the door each morning and ignoring each other when you get home, now's the time to make a change. "It's normal to go through periods of drifting apart from each other," Kait Scalisi, a sex and relationship educator, tells Bustle. But until then, focus on keeping things positive. ", Copyright © 2020 Leaf Group Ltd., all rights reserved. Enroll today to join our upcoming live office hours. If you want appreciation, appreciate it when you get it. Distance left unaddressed is a leading cause of separation. When running a long-distance race, it's essential to drink water before you get thirsty. But the last thing you want to do is blame each other. So speak up. "The most important part is that you notice it, take steps to course correct, and come back to each other." How Do Friends Make Up After Being Estranged? Can You Fix Unhappiness in a Relationship? Never use humor in a hurtful way, such as by making snide comments to your partner or poking fun at his inability to do something. 3. Do Reminisce About What Brought You Together, Don't Argue Constantly Or Put Each Other Down. You and your partner might be drifting apart. A qualified marital therapist or couples counselor may be able to help you deal with issues in your relationship that you don't feel able to do alone. Start thinking of yourself as an individual, rather than as one half of a couple. Do Say Hello And Goodbye Every Day. Now's the time to have patience with each other, listen instead of argue, and look for the good side of things. Humor can be an effective tool in overcoming relationship problems, provided it is used correctly, say Lawrence Robinson, Jeanne Segal and Melinda Smith in the article, "Fixing Relationship Problems with Humor" for "Help Guide." This can take many forms, including being a little less excited to see each other, or wanting to spend more time on your own. You’re finally in bed with your favorite book, enjoying the peace and quiet. The solution is simple and can be carried out in as few as six seconds each day. It might even help to see a couples therapist, especially if the problems run deep, or have been going on for a while. Text throughout the day, call in the evenings, plan fun dates, have sex, get excited about vacations â and things should start to feel better. If you'd both like to feel closer, it's certainly possible to do so. If you used to go on dates to a favorite restaurant, bring that tradition back. Sharing a joke with your partner eases instantly tension, relaxes you, lowers your inhibitions and helps you find creative solutions to your problems. It really can help to shift the mood to ones that's positive again. A person who celebrates how awesome you are and doesn't leave you when you mess up is something to be treasured. Psychology Today: Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship, Help Guide: Fixing Relationship Problems with Humor. Even when there is no cheating, no screaming, no irreconcilable differences, relationships can end. A relationship can die without a single slammed door or raised voice. Sometimes we feel like we're rushing through life so fast that we're missing out. Trying to keep all the balls in the air can mean you aren't seeing what's right in front of your face. You also will need to take some time to really reflect on the role that you have played to get to this point. You don't have to hold hands while eating breakfast in order to reconnect. To change the negative mood in the room, make an effort to remember why you got together in the first place. But if you have the choice between building each other up and tearing each other down, you should always choose the form, but especially so when things are rocky. Focus on improving your mental and physical health, to benefit both yourself and your relationship. But it's even more crucial for partners who seem to be drifting apart. Simply put: Reach out warmly to your partner on a regular basis and respond with warmth when your partner reaches out to you. It's so easy to fall into a rut as a couple and drift apart, but especially so if neither of you is making an effort. Gottman recommends kissing hello and goodbye for six solid seconds. If you live together and you're both in the habit of rushing out … How to Fix Your Relationship When You've Grown Apart Relight the Fire. The more time you spend sharing your emotions, fears and dreams, the easier it will be to strengthen your bond. These include the absence of affection, humor, curiosity, excitement, and empathy in daily interactions. Those conflicts are usually addressed. It's certainly not up to you to fix the relationship all on your own. This is something all couples have to do, since it takes work to maintain a healthy relationship. Create an "inside" joke that only you and your partner understand, to bring you closer together. In couples therapy I often tell my patients that I cannot teach them to love one another. Feeling a little jealous now and again is not unusual in a relationship, particularly when … Individual hobbies and different groups of friends help you feel fulfilled beyond the boundaries of your relationship, gives you a chance to miss your partner and look forward to your reunion. "In the end who started drifting away first, or who caused who to drift away, are useless arguments," life coach Kendra Davies, tells Bustle. "Greet each other (and say goodbye) with a hug and a kiss," Herring says. So for the time being, make it a top priority. All rights reserved. It may sound so simple, but it really is the easiest way to feel more like a couple again, and less like pals who are drifting apart. Stay on the same team, even if you're upset, and it may be possible to get through this. Instead of pointing figures, talk about why you've been drifting apart, and the best ways to come back together again.