Doctor, doctor! I had to put my foot down. Teller: You certainly do! Funny doctor jokes – Looking for the patient. Joe says, "Six months? Marge has blue hair, Homer is fat and bald”. Doctor One-liners Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases During Surgery. They can see right through you. "Well, tell him I can't see him right now." My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I'd start lying to my wife. Nurse: No change yet. Dr.'s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable. Never lie to an X-ray technician. Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing. Friday, 07/10/2016 12:10 Nurse And Patient Jokes--Funny Nurse Jokes Dirty,Short Man Jokes Funny. Oh no! 1. I feel baaaaad! Doctor: "Yes, she was pregnant, but not as a result of my examination." 54. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? Doctor's office: All our records are electronic now just fill out these 12 forms. That's easy just put some cream on it! Patient: Please tell me the bad news first. "Why did the old woman fall into the well?" I don't think I'll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother's Day – a doctor for a son-in-law. The title of this community is one liners, but all sorts of length of quotes are acceptable! Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. A double blind study! By the way, this page has a section with flirty one liners specifically for Tinder. One liner tags: animal, doctor, health, motivational, puns 80.11 % / 670 votes. Q: What did the judge say to the dentist? One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. Spoiler quotes should go behind a cut. A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past. Doctor: I have a bad news and a worse news for you. This is a bank. I have 3 kids and no money, why I can’t I have no kids and 3 money. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months. "Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible." Doctor, doctor I feel like a pair of curtains! A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems. Remember, a bad one liner can also be a perfect thing to stuck the tension out of the room during the uncomfortable moments of silence. So she gets a divorce. Relax, we've got your back. Clever one-liners … Really Funny One-Liners Read those really good short jokes and find yourself laughing like a hyena. Did you hear about the latest birth control pill for men? One-Liner Jokes. Have fun! 1. A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." Home. Dr.'s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable. Hospice means end-of-life care. A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send a bill to her husband! What do you call 2 orthopedic doctors reading an EKG? I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one! At first they are both pretty crappy but in the long run they feel pretty good! 1. These clever one liners on life are perfect for any occasion. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Enjoy. You can even use these one liners for Tinder or any other dating app. You have a perception problem. ", Doc says, "Joe, I got some bad news for you. “Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.” – Demetri Martin ... “The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.” – Jay Leno. I have an inferiority complex but it's not a very good one. The admission ticket is a diagnosis from a doctor that you have six months or less to live. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. A few more one-liners and jokes from the show. The doctor replies “Can you describe the symptoms?” The man says “Sure.