Why your pastor doesn’t want you to know about it: Because it says right there, if you hear the word, you’re deceiving yourself. 7 Shocking Scenes that Happened in The Bible Step into the Bible and explore these seven scenes you won't believe are in the Good Book! So, checkmate, Holy Rollers. But within the pages of Scripture are many stories that are obscure, dramatic, and just plain bizarre. You all are just lucky someone was here to read the Bible for you and tell you what to think about it before your church was able to brainwash you. This Bible verse is weird, funny and kind of scary. There are so many dumb people saying so many dumb things on the internet, it’s basically impossible any more to say something so dumb everyone realizes it’s satire. I’m very sorry that someone I know posted it. Despite polls showing that 92% of Americans agree with the statement “Every word in the Bible is as true as the Bible, and also this poll wasn’t just made up by a guy who needed a quote for his lede,” most people have literally no idea what the Bible actually says. Even after people keep saying “This is satire” folks eep ripping into it. Because I enjoy its intriguing storyline. Yes, now I know that the Bible is not a wholesome book but a book about the truth, the good and the bad. We all know that Bible-thumpers have trouble with numbers (the earth is 10,000 years old? It clearly says “all is vanity,” yet a quick trip to IKEA exposes that foolishness, stocked as it is with a variety of dressers and nightstands. OK, just checking :) . The verse: “Then was brought unto him one possessed with a devil, blind, and dumb: and he healed him, insomuch that the blind and dumb both spake and saw.”. Colossians 3:11. I’m a Christian and love God and I think it’s pretty funny…. The verse: “Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all.”. Is it ok to use Satire in relating to the Bible. That is, assuming Abraham Lincoln ever even existed. LOL Interwebz: The SHOCKING Follow-up That THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO READ! Comments are now closed for this article. My Lord in Heaven this shouldn’t even be dignified in existence by being called a satire. Shocking and Scandalous Stories from the Bible: Challenging Students to See Life from God's Pov | Mary Grace Becker, Susan Martins Miller | ISBN: 9780784723999 | Kostenloser Versand für alle Bücher mit Versand und Verkauf duch Amazon. Then he was able to turn and lie on his right side for 40 days to show how many years that sin was perpetrated by the population of Judah. You are here: Home. Join over 13,000 members today. Can’t wait to watch the fundies squirm as they try to explain this one. Your pastor doesn’t want you to read the Bible, because if you did you’d realize it’s full of verses that are obviously false and also completely contradict modern values, which are obviously the correct values, because they’re the modern ones. (And intentionally so. Again I know some of you say it’s a satire, but it’s not even tthat much. 30 Funny Sports Pictures You Won’t Be Able To Unsee; Previous Next. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Get our weekly recap email for the latest from CAPC, delivered straight to your inbox. Dude. Besides, given how few people see satire when it’s applied to events or situations contemporary to them…, Thanks for the shout out to the Alincolnist community, we really need to spread the word about this topic that we care nothing about. Here they are: 1. It’s SATIRE, folks. ), but on this one, the writers of scripture are way behind the times. | Christ and Pop Culture. Why doesn’t your church ever mention that when they’re telling you the story of Jesus? The verse: “Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.”. Luke T. Harrington is the only boy who could ever reach you. So here we are, my prayer is for the Lord to guide me as I meditate on His Words and be able to give back the honor and glory He deserves. In addition, he had … Well, here are just a few . This is where Swift lays out his real plan for how to help Ireland.” They’re still oblivious. Then he concludes with sayIing your luckily you had someone to read the bible for you, furthering his original point of Christians not reading the bible and listening to someone at face value. Good guess, but no. Crack the Bible open here, and your pastor’s manipulation is exposed: the Bible is a “moral” book, huh? Why your pastor doesn’t want you to know about it: Because that is clearly seven words. I think it’s hilarious, he starts out saying no one really reads the bible, and is poking fun at the idea of pastors are telling you what to believe and to think for yourself…basically. Even the ancient Babylonians knew a little something about mathematics; perhaps that’s why Jeremiah was so keen on Babylon’s destruction. This sort of ignorance has no place in our modern, civilized era of #reason. I mean, I’m just spitballing here, but could it possibly be because of a vast conspiracy to cover up the truth because the Church finds it threatening and also Leonardo daVinci was probably involved somehow??? Never did I ever expect that I would read these kind of stories in the Bible. Then concludes with paraphrased bible verse and doesn’t knownwhere he heard it. Man Talks to Donkey; Donkey Talks Back. You must log in or register to reply here. Chad. I have no idea why the Bible would admit something like that, but I guess those Bronze-Age goatherders who wrote it just didn’t know any better, presumably because they didn’t have #science and #reason. I understand this is supposed to be humorous, but this is quit possibly THE most ignorant piece I’ve ever read. He's also a humorist, podcaster, and award-winning novelist. This is obvious satire, people. Featured. God told Ezekiel to plan out the siege of Jerusalem. May 9, 2019 #1. Then takes ALL of the versus out of context (on purpose by the way) and pulls ridulouse conclusions using hyperbaly for shock. Like what? Top 30 Incredible Facts You’ve Never Heard About Antarctica; Top 30 Shocking and Interesting Facts About The Holy Bible ; Top 30 Bizarre And Intriguing Facts About Michael Jackson; 25 True-To-Life And Creepy Photos of Places That Will Give You Nightmares! His nonfiction debut. really? Why your pastor doesn’t want you to know about it: The Bible wants you to believe the past tense form of “speak” is “spake,” but modern science has proven that it’s “spoke.” The weight of biblical inaccuracies is piling up, and we’re just getting started. Why your pastor doesn’t want you to know about it: The Bible teaches that “there is neither Greek nor Jew,” but modern science has proven the existence of both Greeks and Jews. Oh, and the reason folks have trouble catching that “A Modest Proposal” is satire is that they are completely ignorant of the original situation. However, I find writing on my phone more accessible and convenient. But when Swift might as well be Heraclitus to them, and when the sugar in Lucky Charms is their idea of Irish troubles, well, fuhgeddaboutit. Top 10 Shocking Bible Stories. Only a bigot would deny the existence of Greeks and Jews, but that’s exactly what Bible-thumpers want you to do. Sure, the Bible has the classics that most Christians have heard since they were young—David and Goliath, Noah and the ark, Jesus healing the blind man. Of sarcasm and humor writer. LOL This is the dumbest thing I’ve read all day. Your pastor knows that if you found out about it, your faith would come crashing down like a house of cards, and not even the Kevin-Spacey-with-a-ridiculously-fake-accent kind. ), I can live with the satire. Good golly. And then he was forced to give it up? This sort of ignorance has no place in our modern, civilized era of #reason. Staff Member. Evidently these fanatical Bible defenders are nothing new; they have always gone to extreme lengths in ducking #science and #reason. Shocking lies of prosperity gospel teacher, Who's Controlling Our Food ?The shocking truth MUST SEE, Bible Verse of the Day - October 30, 2020. Also, in our sophisticated, modern era, we now know that “ye” isn’t actually a real word. This sort of ignorance has no place in our modern, civilized era of #reason.And the truth is, your church is desperate to keep it that way, which is why there aren’t a thousand dumbed-down English translations of the Bible floating around out there. The Bible’s days of authority and privilege are clearly numbered. Support our work: Become a member and get exclusive membership perks. The verse: “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.”. Do your research man GOD’s word doesnt lie. The Plot to Kill a Guy Who Already Died, 2. Why your pastor doesn’t want you to know about it: Your pastor wants you to believe that God is all-powerful, but even the Bible clearly says, “God will do nothing.” True, yes, but devastating for Christianity. #science #reason #education, My gracious the comments are funny (albeit unintentionally)! Haha I thought it was fun. You need a sense of humor transplant. Shocking Story: (2 Kings 6:26-29) Cannibalism, Shocking Story: (Judges 19:24-29) Gibeah’s Crime, Follow In Honor of Christ on WordPress.com, Watch “Read Scripture: Esther” on YouTube, Short Reflection: When God Let You Be Alone. We need Jesus and He is the only One who can save us from ourselves. Well, I think I could teach those OT barbarians a thing or two about #reason, just as soon as I finish watching Game of Thrones. You’re a real theologian, dude. The verse: “Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all.”. Why your pastor doesn’t want you to know about it: The Bible teaches that “there is neither Greek nor Jew,” but modern science has proven the existence of both Greeks and Jews. This is a joke, right? More than I thought. Ummm…You’re satirizing the satire, right? Latest stories. As one of the crazy Bible stories, this one talks about Ezekiel’s challenge. 5. The verse: “Thou shalt not kill. Good zingers, Luke. Category: Shocking Bible Stories Shocking Story: (2 Kings 6:26-29) Cannibalism. August 4, 2018 August 4, 2018 rhinom Leave a comment. Not long enough, a friend encouraged me to put up a blog to compile the messages (I was sharing them thru Facebook Messenger).