4. To varying degrees, each of us changes over time. You can resolve problems with finances by being extremely open to your spouse about plans, obligations, responsibilities and other funds and investments. If past relationships and experiences may affect your marriage, he or she should share these with you. Buddhist psychology emphasizes that pain associated with being human is inevitable—and suffering is not. You will have to consider the opinion and the thoughts of your spouse. Money is one of the reasons why many people separate. To what extent are you “parentizing” him (see post), focusing on his taking care of your every desire, perhaps seeking unconditional love? That is one big reason why expectations for others you are not legally bonded too might be lower relative to someone with whom you have a lifelong legal obligation. The foundation of your marriage is trust, understanding, and patience. Fear is neither good nor bad. Is being too persuasive making other people angry? So you may from time to time have differences in perspective, especially surrounding issues such as finances, how much time to spend together, alone, with friends and family, physical intimacy, parenting, and the tasks of maintaining a home. The love that exists in your marriage should be proven through loyalty and devotion. And, we may feel especially vulnerable in an intimate relationship when we’ve not fully accepted ourselves and are not quite ready to reveal those things. Would you feel “less than” if some of these expectations were not satisfied? You will encounter a lot of hardships and trials. So be sure that your expectations of your husband are joined with what’s realistic. Cultivating healthy anger requires that we be mindful of our expectations and to differentiate between those that are realistic and those that are not. There will be ups and downs in your relationship. The legal aspects of marriage certainly contribute to vulnerability. Your partner may or may not change as you wish he or she would. And, yet, only by doing so can we experience a more meaningful and fulfilling relationship. For example, you may readily agree to the idea that you will have differences in your relationship. Listen before you speak. As an anger management specialist, it’s not at all unusual for me to hear clients exclaim, “I never get so angry in other situations—not at work, with my friends, or anywhere else. Similarly, you may know that relationships require work but feel they shouldn’t. It was extremely difficult for her to accept that she was powerless in certain ways. Origins, Colors and Temperament. When put into words, it has often been stated as “Silly me!” “Who am I kidding—that is true!” and “Of course—that makes sense.". 8. He maintained expectations of her consideration and cooperation in spite of the fact that the absence of these same qualities very strongly contributed to his seeking divorce in the first place. Compromise is essential in a loving relationship. But you should not put unattainable expectations on your marriage. If you think that this information will help your relationship, then, by all means, volunteer this to your partner. You can always ask for change. When it comes to present decisions, your spouse should also communicate these to you, especially if they are going to be critical in future choices. And, how is it that you may expect your partner to read your mind in some situations but be intensely afraid that he could do so on other occasions? How realistic are the expectations you have regarding your intimate relationship? Keith had expected that his ex would rise to the occasion, as their interaction would now be limited to focusing solely on their child. What can a husband realistically expect from his own SAHM. I encourage you to take time to reflect on each one. Being married is also having a travel buddy, a foodie partner, a best friend, a loving spouse, a cook, a shoulder to cry on, a cheerer, and a fan. It is not how many times you hurt each other, but how you work things out that allows you to grow in your marriage. We often forget that we are no longer alone in our lives. But the difficulty of marriage can be overcome by your love for one another. Colors, Life Expectancy, and Temperament, link to Are Gypsy Horses Good For Riding? The Andalusian horse is a beautiful and incredibly versatile breed. Your spouse will make mistakes. You both know that marriage is a binding contract between the two of you. Helping a relationship to thrive requires more than just depending on the energy of the initial attraction and love. This shift in his awareness made all the difference in better understanding how he contributed to his suffering and related anger. Now that you’ve read these eight guidelines for expectations, I encourage you to read them again and go deeper. When you say that you love someone, you are already making a decision to be with that person. Maybe after many years he or she will get better at it — but don’t always depend on it. In fact, your mourning and making peace with your past can make you more available for both giving and receiving love. As such, closeness may bring anxiety and tension which leads us to create distance, sometimes by withdrawal and sometimes through anger. No need to break the news harshly, but the sooner kids are adjusted to the framework that parental love, like any other love, cannot be unconditional, the easier the transition into adulthood compatible with adult relationships. It communicates that we value the differences in each other. The last thing you want to do is to get worked up about all this and disturb your peace. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. The key to a lasting relationship is an open ear. Couples who are going to be married will always have expectations about the union. No matter how many mistakes your spouse makes, it is how much you recover after every fault that matters. 5 Tips for Helping Girls with a Porn Problem, Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International, Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. It can be hard for a husband and wife to take words from the other, especially if it will mean that your original decision was wrong. This is the question that is commonly asked to married couples. The moment that you say âI doâ is the same moment that you become not only accountable to yourself. And you will have shared lives with each other. And this may certainly fuel anxiety and the rigidity of certain expectations of oneself and one's partner. Faced by the challenges of change, the relationship requires ongoing attention, communication, and nurturance for it to survive and thrive. You each have a unique history that informs your unique personality and your expectations. These 8 Expectations for a Great Marriage may help too. It maybe mismanagement, debts, or different purchases. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. However, if you treat your significant other as a parent, you will set yourself and your partner up for tremendous discord and anger. When we first got married, my husband expected one thing of me: fidelity. He or she must give as much care to finances, to material possessions, and to properties as you do. The first example of the man whose wife is always extremely late. I don't think I have low expectations, though. Family life Share is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Will the details make your relationship more mature? My question. Listening and assessment will greatly help you in your growth in marriage. Her husband periodically experienced episodes of depression. Is Your Anger a Projection of Unresolved Depression. It’s one thing to expect an overriding commitment to love in a relationship. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. 12 Reasonable Expectations that Could Save Your Marriage As life evolves, so does marriage. 3. Family life Share aims to share cool knowledge and unique experience about family life, marriage, love, relationships, parenting and life tips. Without full awareness, each of these individuals held on to expectations that might understandably seem reasonable, but were unrealistic when faced with the facts of the situation. I’d encourage you to take the time to explore each of the eight realistic aspects of a relationship identified in my post. But if you communicate your fears with your partner and ask help from other people, you will indeed conquer fear and thrive in your marriage. And yet another client, Sharon, endured suffering due to expectations she had of herself with regard to her partner. It is not wrong to set marriage expectations. But marriage is a whole new level of relationship. It is amoral. We tend to be overprotective of ourselves, and not care for our spouses as much as we should. A successful marriage has realistic expectations. Family life Share also participates in affiliate programs with Impact and other sites. Your spouse should always be faithful to you no matter what. But you should also keep it real at the same time. Individuals and relationships can change over time. This makes perfect sense. Additionally, we then explored other strategies that might help satisfy his desire. It is how you handle fear that matters. Doing so invariably gives rise to anguish in the form of sadness, hurt, anxiety, and anger. By this, I mean sit with each guideline. This post may contain affiliate links, see. Do You Have Toxic Anger Issues and Not Know It? Origins, Colors and Temperament. Being mindful of this challenge offers us a choice: the openness to identify alternative expectations and or mourn and let go of those that contribute to our suffering.