If you do not know what your partner expects of you and he doesn’t know what you expect of him, you are both setting yourself up for a lot of misunderstandings and a potentially big disaster. Yeah, same. Give each other a hug and go get a glass of wine and catch up on everything that happened while you were busy hating each other. To do so, you'll have to listen to your friend with an open mind, trying to see the problem from your friend's perspective. Don’t be defensive: This goes hand-in-hand with the above. May be she felt bad. I want to be sure you understand my position. But if we all gave up after every fight, everyone would end up alone. If you have argued with a friend, don't get down about it. If you send the email right after the argument you might say things that you might regret after. Whether it is engaging in small acts of affection (such as giving your boyfriend a pat on the back as you walk out the house in the morning) or sending him a “just because I care” text message when he’s at work, the little things can go a long way. Don't just say, "I'm sorry" if they're still hurt. I've seen his phone several times and I don't SEE anything he's doing wrong but I still feel like he is just due to our past. After things get ugly, you might need some time alone to reflect, recover, or heal. Fighting with a friend is the worst. It might feel like you’re walking on eggshells until things go back to normal, but that’s better than prolonging the fight. Arguing with a friend can be one of the most hurtful experiences we can go through in life. Your partner might take a joke the wrong way. A best friend by your side is invaluable, whether it's someone you've known since childhood or someone you encountered by chance as an adult. At this point, the two of you must be calm enough to listen to one another. However, rebuilding a bond that’s been compromised won’t be easy, no matter how long you’ve known each other. If you're using too much humour your friend could think you're not taking things seriously and things could become even worse. If the fight filled you with anger you will need some time to get a new perspective and to discuss things calmly and with the right mood. I hold such resentment and bitterness towards my partner after he hurts me that it's always in the back of my mind somewhere. Bonior advises saying something along the lines of "Iâve given this a ton of thought it's still bothering me. 5. Recovering from a fight can take time. Dear Lifehacker, Sometimes, your friend might show you a different perspective and turns the argument around. It does not provide as many clues to what the person is feeling, nor does it provide the tone of voice that is so useful in understanding another's state of mind. When I was in college, one of my very close friends started sleeping with my ex-boyfriend behind my back. Overall, you want to make sure your post-argument communication is productive. I thought I was ready to forgive her after a few months, so I did, but it turns out I wasnât even close to being over it. It may also be helpful to come to an agreement and set boundaries and rules for the future. The purpose of the email after an argument is to simply fill the void, not to continue your argument. Some time soon, you'll look back on the whole thing and laugh. Fighting is hard, and figuring out how to make up with a friend is even harder. However, if your partner needs space and you don’t, it can be disconcerting. We're trying to rebuild trust right now after he lied to me over and over and it's been very difficult. However, do not let it go on for more than that. It’s not easy to bring your relationship back to equilibrium after a major fight. If you’re having a more detailed conversation to reflect on the fight, keep a couple of things in mind to keep from opening up recent wounds: Give up the need to be right: Accept responsibility for how you made your partner feel, Dr. Shorey says. Your friendship means so much to me, and it's really tearing me up to imagine that this is going to get in the way of our friendship, but I've got to be honest, I still feel unheard and still feel this is hanging over my head. I mean friendship-ending fights. Maybe you just want to get back at the other person. Because you're actually writing your feelings, it is easier to read it again and see if something needs changing. This could keep the argument going. This will be difficult, but it's very important if you truly want to resolve the issues with your friends. A little emotional support can go a long way, even if you need to go cool off. If your partner or friend isn’t likely to appreciate the joke, don’t say or do it, even if it’s “all in good fun.” When the joking is one-sided rather than mutual, it undermines trust and goodwill and can damage the relationship. If your fight was because you drink too much, then you need to make some changes in your life. Here are some things to keep in mind: In an interview with the Wall Street Journal’s Elizabeth Bernstein, psychologist Dr. Hal Shorey explains that it’s important to wait to talk. Leave some time pass and then you can start composing your email. This may not work as well if you’re still really steamed. Things have been really rough for me lately, and I'm thinking about talking to a…. I want to give it another try to talk it out and figure out how we can work through this.â Even if you and the other person agree to disagree in the end, youâll at least feel like your feelings have been heard. Here are six tips to help you do it successfully. The period of reflection depends on the individuals involved. Also, check out our posts on how to pick a couples therapist and what to expect when you start seeing one. If you want to read similar articles to How to Make Up with a Friend after an Argument, we recommend you visit our Friendship category. The first thing you should do when you have had a big argument with your friend is to get some space. Bonior says, âIf you feel like an apology is genuine, and you want to put it out there because you feel like itâs real, certainly do so.â Fake apologies, especially ones that are coercive â saying something like âIâm sorry, but you were being a jerk,â â only make things worse. According to Dr. Andrea Bonior, author of The Friendship Fix, who spoke to Bustle in a phone interview, maintaining friendships is important to not only your mental and emotional health, but your physical health, too. If you’re really having trouble seeing eye-to-eye, it could be that the conflict isn’t truly over. If not, going through and rehashing the situation might be necessary. After a few days, contact your friend and ask to talk about what has happened. Have you ever been in a huge, blow up fight with a friend (or a boyfriend, or your mom, or your cat) only to realize after a few days that the whole thing was really, really, stupid? Or if you criticize your friend too much, just back off. Figure out what you want to achieve from the conversation, schedule a time on neutral turf, and go talk to your friend. If you and your friend can leave feelings of anger to one side easily, move on from the argument and try to resolve the conflict. Leave me alone. I can't seem to do this. No one knows how to hurt you quite like someone who knows your deep dark secrets. Maybe you want to make your point. If, after listening to your friend, you still don't understand his/her point of view, it's time to ask them to listen to you. You may be tempted to throw in some last minute passive-aggressive jabs. Even if you and your partner have come to an agreement, the arguing can really put a damper on things. In this case, it might be best to talk to a professional. Sometimes you just need to know when it’s time to call it quits. The University of Texas’ Mental Health Center has some ground rules to get you started: They offer more guidelines in the full post. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t have a sense of humor about things, but you’re probably both a little sensitive after an argument. If you really feel you need to clarify why you behaved a certain way, you can always do this later, when the fight is truly over and things have calmed down. Communication, understanding, and respect will do well to get your relationship back on track. One way to make up after a fight is to not engage with the person for some time. A counselor or therapist can help you understand your feelings and work through them in one way or another. Everything he's doing now seems to be on the up and up but I can't help thinking he's just hiding it better now. If you wait too long to speak with your friend again the problem could grow. After having the chance to listen completely to what your friend has to say, you can voice your own opinion and feelings. Even if you’ve both agreed that the fight is over, it can be hard to move past that situation and get back to where you were. Are you OK with that? I made a joke and she just stopped talking to me. Same thing happened to me. Either way, these jabs, as small as they may be, only prolong the nastiness. You may need one or two days to calm down and see the situation from a more objective point of view.